I own a house

[fivemack]

All the lawyers performed their strange lawyerly rituals; I have paid the solicitors enough to buy two cases of Laithwaites' best sauternes, HMRC enough stamp-duty to fund one junior nurse for six weeks, and the Land Registry the price of a decent mobile phone. On Friday after lunch I picked up the keys. Now I have:

an end-of-terrace house with

a kitchen with tiles with rabbits on,

the most seventies hallway ever,

and an overgrown garden with both the most amazing orange flowers and an outbuilding with net curtains